Reframing how we deal with discomfort

There’s a lot about diversity in the workplace that frankly is uncomfortable. And that’s not simply my lived experience. Dr. Katherine W. Phillips, after conducting hundreds of studies demonstrating diversity’s value for businesses and other organizations, concluded “The first thing to acknowledge about diversity is that it can be difficult.” And as mentioned last time, Claude M. Steele for decades has studied how diverse environments, coupled with stereotype threats, can trigger what he calls churn, “the mental agitation and physical stress we can experience in diverse settings.”

For folks like me, set in a lifetime’s worth of habits and assumptions, there’s a powerful inertia for remaining comfortable. It feels safer to avoid the effort and uncertainty of new perspectives, new skills, and new expectations. That’s of course understandable, but unwise in a rapidly diversifying world.

Being effective at practicing Belonging requires a willingness – actually, a commitment – to change, to grow, to stretch beyond the safety of familiar comfort. One often hears that becoming comfortable with discomfort is the goal.

But here’s the problem. It’s hard to change by merely avoiding something, such as avoiding being comfortable. We tend to do better when we aspire to something that feels positive.

So, let’s reframe discomfort as being curious.

• Curiosity diffuses pride, replacing it with openness and humility.

• Curiosity motivates us to be aware of our surroundings.

• Curiosity compels us to ask thoughtful questions.
• Curiosity leads us to listen to and try to more fully understand people with lived experiences different than our own, the better to see ourselves in them.

• Curiosity requires us to take a closer look at ourselves, actively paying attention in the moment to what we are thinking, what we are doing, and how our attitudes and actions are affecting others around us.
• Curiosity makes us think about where we came up short, and how we can do better next time.

So, where to begin in practicing Belonging? Instead of simply becoming comfortable with discomfort, resolve to be curious.